No one ever said that getting over breakups would be easy. But it would be foolish to think that it’s impossible. When it comes to your feelings and emotions, you always have control. And how you deal with your breakup heavily relies on your will to act. To get the evident out of the way, it’s always hard to let go of someone who you once held so dearly to your heart. And once you are actually able to somehow detach yourself from the person, the most difficult parts of the journey still lie ahead of you.
You have to know how to pick yourself back up. You have to find the strength to face a life where you and your ex are no longer together. And that’s no easy feat for someone who has grown accustomed to a particular way of life after living it for so long. And that’s why you need to make it a point to resist all temptations to turn back and run towards your former life. You are going to be tempted to engage in constant contact with your ex because the world ahead of you seems scaring and intimidating. But you’re still going to have to resist.
In order for you to heal and get over a difficult breakup, you need to be able to break all ties from your former world – and that includes restraining yourself to come into contact with your ex. And there’s no downplaying just how difficult a task that might be. There is a sure detachment and separation there that not a lot of people are capable of carrying out. You wouldn’t want to sever your own arm from your torso, would you? It’s kind of like that – except in an emotional plane.
While all situations are different, it’s very easy to spot out some extremely common traps that people tend to fall into after a difficult breakup. If you want to make sure that you get yourself back to a place of emotional stability and sanity, then you need to be able to avoid making these common mistakes. It’s for your own good.
1. You think that it would be a good idea for the two of you to stay friends.
You can’t stay friends. At least, not right now. You can’t break off your relationship with the mindset that the both of you are still going to be in each other’s lives. You can’t do that to one another. That’s pure emotional torture for the both of you and it’s foolish to think that you can make things work that way.
2. You think that it’s impossible for you to move on without closure.
You don’t need closure. You don’t need him to explain everything to you. You just have to pick yourself up and keep moving forward. If you let yourself get hung up on finding closure, then you’re never going to succeed.
3. You obsessively try to rationalize the whole situation.
Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason to everything. Sometimes, life just throws curve balls our way and we have to make the most out of the situation that we’re given. We don’t always have to rationalize everything. You broke up. And now you need to move on.
4. You get also caught up in the idea of getting back together.
Again, you are never going to be able to move on from your relationship if you keep clinging to false hopes. It’s this kind of mindset that is going to halt your progress in getting back to a place of emotional stability. You need to stop clinging to false hopes and face reality. Confront what’s right in front of you and learn to let go of the past.
5. You keep mementos and objects that remind you of your time together.
You need to let go of the little trinkets and mementos that are still around in your life that might remind you of your relationship. Acquire rid of all the stuff he left behind in your apartment. You’re not going to make use of them anyway. And they are only going to make you feel bad.
6. You still engage in non-emotional sexual relations with your ex.
Cease it. You can find sexual pleasure in other people. You know that you would never be able to separate the emotional aspects of your relationship from the sexual ones. So just try to find sexual stimulation from someone else instead.
7. You still go around to the same places and mingle with the same people as your ex.
How can you expect to focus your energy on building a new life for yourself if you still keep falling back into old habits? You need to make sure that you avoid doing the things that you used to do as a couple – and start building a new life for yourself that you can call your own. When you do so, you are eliminating that dependence and reliance on your ex.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé