If you have to think thrice before talking, it’s not love.
Of course, there are some expectations in a relationship that are just also damn high and downright unreasonable. There are some demands that people can make from their partners which are just plain inappropriate and excessive. But of course, that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s perfectly understandable for you to make a few requests of your partner. That’s what a relationship is. It’s about asking for love and support from one another. And if your partner doesn’t make it okay for you to ask things from him, he’s definitely not your guy.
It should be okay for you to ask him for his undivided attention whenever you’re together on dates. Yes, this is a fast-paced world and it’s so easy to get distracted these days. But that shouldn’t be an excuse for him to not be paying attention to what you’re saying when you’re conversing. He shouldn’t be on his phone browsing his social media feeds when he’s having dinner with you. You should be able to ask him for his attention when you spend quality time with one another. You’re in a relationship with each other. And you know it to one another to take some time to block out everything else in the world for at least a moment every single day.
It should be okay for you to ask him to introduce you to his friends and family eventually. There’s no way you would ever survive being in a long-term relationship if you refuse to integrate one another into your social circles. He shouldn’t be making you feel like he’s also ashamed to show you off to his friends or family. He shouldn’t be making you feel like you’re no good enough to meet the most essential people in his life. He should be giving you unlimited access into his life if he’s serious about being with you. And if he’s just going to continue to close you off from the most intimate aspects of his life, then you are just kidding yourself about his intentions.
It should be okay for you to ask him about what his plans are when he says he’s heading out without you for the night. It’s okay for you to ask him who he’s going to be with and where he’s going to be. It’s not because you’re trying to control him or bar him from going out without you. It’s only because you want to feel like you’re being included in his life even when you’re not together. He shouldn’t be shutting you out from his plans just because he feels entitled to it.
It should be okay for you to ask him to stop engaging in communications with his old flames. It’s not because you don’t trust him to make the right decisions, but it’s because you are protective and territorial which you have to be when you’re in a relationship. You just don’t want to end up feeling like you could be a fallback or a second option. It should be okay for you to ask him for the emotional security that you need from him to be in this relationship.
It should be okay for you to ask him to be honest with you about any physical illnesses he may have especially those of the sexual kind. If he’s pushing for you to be a sexually active couple, it should be okay for you to make yourself aware of the health and safety standards of your relationship. You can’t be recklessly engaging in sexual relations with a man who isn’t willing to reveal these things to you in an honest manner.
It should be okay for you to ask him for a favor every once in a while. You are in a relationship and you should always have each other’s backs. You should always be trying to make one another’s lives easier. You should always be willing to do things for one another and it should be okay to ask for help every so often. You are life partners if you are looking to stay in a long-term relationship.
It should be okay for you to ask him for the occasional space and freedom to be yourself. You can’t let the relationship define your entire life and he has to be able to respect that. He can’t expect you to make him the only part of your universe. He should still be willing to respect your individuality and sense of self. He shouldn’t be keeping you from being yourself.
If he doesn’t make you feel like it’s okay to ask these things from him, then you know that you deserve better. You know that he’s not the one for you. You know that he’s not serious about wanting to be with you. Because any man who loves you would be okay with being asked these things.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé